Mommy List
Posted: January 24, 2012 Filed under: Motherhood 1 Comment »I have the flu. I have been slowed down over the last couple of days…. and it is killing me! I know I should be grateful for some “down time” but lying on the sofa all day reminds me of when I was on bed rest. And I hated bed rest. I need to be up doing things or I go a little crazy.
On that note, I have been able to check back in to the blog world. A world I have kind of been avoiding lately.
I was researching some ideas for my little diva princess’ birthday party on Pinterest. One click led to another and I was neck deep in the perfect mom’s blog. There are so many of them out there. She was a graphic designer, party planner, caterer, pastor’s wife, quite the decorator, stylish, fit, mom of three and, of coarse, an active blogger. I was hoping her kids were like at least teenagers and she had built this dynasty over ten or fifteen years but they were not. They were preschoolers. Although I was gleaning some fabulous birthday party ideas, I was very nauseous from guilt and comparison. I am not the perfect blog mom. 
The guilt reminded me of an exercise I recently completed. Under the advise of someone wise. I compiled a list, on paper, of “what it meant to be a ‘good mom’”. I started with the obvious: “loves her kids, protects her kids”. But as my list went on, I got honest. I started writing down the things I hold no one else to but myself. These things included: “does weekly school lessons, goes on one fun outing a week, has a well decorated house, has a clean/organized house”. These things maybe aren’t too bad but when they are added to the already page-long list, my “list” can start to get ridiculous!
I have many friends who don’t do half of what’s on my list and I consider them to be great moms! I, however, place myself under such a different standard. I would never tell a new mom that she needs to workout, have a clean house, coupon and cook nutritiously every day. But I expect myself to do all these things and more on a daily basis.
Writing all of my expectations for myself on paper made me take a second look. Some how it freed me up and made me realize the insanity of my list.
It feels, sometimes, like the Proverbs 31 woman was a “perfect blog mom”! She “work with her hands in delight”, “rises while it is still night”, “from her earnings plants a vineyard”, “makes coverings for herself in fine linen and purple”, “she does not eat the bread of idleness”. A good friend pointed out something wise to me recently: no where in Proverbs 31 does it say she did all the things in the same day or even in one season of her life. Did rise while it was still night after she had been up with a cranky newborn all night? Did she buy a field with her earnings when she had three preschoolers at home? Did she make coverings of fine linen and purple when she had a baby with reflux who would undoubtable throw up all over those “coverings” six times a day? I don’t know, maybe, but I doubt it. It seems chapter is more of an epitaph, like praise given to this woman that sum up the majority of her days.
So should I crumble up my list and replace it with Proverbs 31? I don’t know, maybe. I can’t think of one thing in that list that I would not want to be named of me at the end of my “days”. But the Lord gave me peace in another epitaph, Jesus’ epitaph.
“I have glorified You on earth accomplishing the work which You have given Me to do.”- John 17:4
As Jesus is praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He knows His hours are short and there is peace. For He has done the work which His Father had given Him to do. There is a lot of freedom in realizing what Jesus didn’t do while He lived on this Earth. He didn’t heal everyone, He didn’t preach to everyone, He didn’t eat a meal with every sinner but He did do the will of His Father!
This is the verse I want to present to the Lord at the end of the day. Some days, the Father’s will is for me to help serve at a local women’s shelter. Some days His will is for me to take dinner to my neighbors. Some days His will is for me to share His Truth with a stranger at the bank. But sometimes His will is for me to play hard at a jumpy house with my “cabin fevered” children. Another day His will is to clean my house and organize my junky hall closet so my family can function a little more efficiently. And some days, like today, His will is for me to rest on the sofa.
I may never own my own business again. I may not finish my college degree that I left hanging. I may never blog consistently, cook a perfect organic meal, or loose another pound. But if the Lord asks me to do any of those things I better get on it! My life is about obedience to my Father! I may fail at everthing on my “list”. Instead of measuring myself up to an imaginary list, I need to keep myself in check with the will of my Father!
He is the one I am to please! And let’s face it, my “Mommy list”, is mostly about me and becoming “that perfect mom”. Living for perfection is vain and will always leave me empty! In serving and obeying the Lord, however, there is peace!
Christmas Reality Check!
Posted: December 7, 2011 Filed under: Art of Remembrance, our family, Reflections on our Savior Leave a comment »First let me say sorry for the blogging hiatus! I have been consumed with adoption. That’s about all I can gather in my mind to blog about and I didn’t know if it was time to “make it public”. More about that later…
Anyway, I have had a reality check today.
The weather has been so dreary lately… and so has my attitude. I tried to find a dignified excuse in my head but I couldn’t – I’m down and out because of money. I want more of it, “need” more of it and feel trapped when I don’t have my definition of “enough”.
The thing is, we do have plenty and “enough”, BUT its ChRiStMaS time! It’s time for malls and outlet stores! It’s time for bags and bargains! I love buying presents and shopping more than your average woman. Black Friday is one of my (if not my #1) favorite days of the year. My husband wanted me to get a hobby awhile back. He asked me “What do you like to do the most?”…. after some soul searching, I realized it was shopping. Good or bad, I don’t know, but I love it! But this year my budget and wallet are keeping me from the stores and quite frankly keeping me at home!
I was sulking over this pretty bad this morning, whining to the Lord, if you will. Since I have had children, I have never had a lavish budget to shop with. The last couple of years we have “barely” made it happen. We have, however, had some wonderful Christmases (is that how you make Christmas plural? There’s all my ECE time paying off…)! I made most of my kids gifts, we spent a lot of fun time together as a family and everything has been very simple. 
And I liked it. But this year was going to be “different”. This was the year! Of course Christmas is about Jesus, sure, but I mean this was my year to shop and buy presents! Woo Hoo!
But due to some unforseen circumstances, we are working with pretty much the same budget. So, like I said, I was whining to the Lord! I wanted tooo goooo shooopppingg… (can you hear the whining?)! I was asking God where that whole “supernatural” thing applied to our lives? Why does it feel like we have to sweat blood and tears for every penny? I thought HE owned it all? Money was no object to Him right?! (I’m letting you in on this conversation… sorry). Then the Lord answered me about the whole supernatural thing. The supernatural work of the Lord is the changing of the human heart! Sure, He does own it all and has all at His disposal but the work that only He can do is the changing of the heart! And He is working on mine! And sadly, money is a pretty good tool of choice for Him. [2 Corinthians 7:9-10]
Money isn’t just money. Money is control. Money is trust. Money is dependence.
I need to let go of the control that I want in our life, trust God is working and depend on Him for the grace, stregnth and wisdom.
And then I stumbled upon this wonderful and challenging word from another sister in Christ. And I am reminded that Christmas is not about the stuff! It is not about the shopping! It is not about Christmas morning presentation of presents! It is not even about tradtions, happy songs or family. All of those things will disappoint me. All of those things will leave me empty and never live up to the lofty expectation I have of them in my mind. Hmmm…maybe explaining why I have been so down this season, so far… misplaced trust.
Christmas is about Jesus! It is celebrating Him and who He is and what He has done when He came from heaven to Earth, took on humanity to show us God. He lived out the gospel and then died so that we could know and have a personal relationship with the God of this Universe!!! Seriously?! And I am pouting about not being able to go to the mall… pretty pathetic. If this celebration and season is about Him, there is fullness of joy and no disappointment!
So instead I am THANKFUL! (See here is that supernatural thing He reminded me of….) He changed me heart – in a matter of hours too. I am thankful that He hasn’t filled my bank account and my gas tank to go crazy at the mall! I would have probably missed it! I would have settled for a sorry substiution for the reason of what this season, as a believer, should be all about!
Instead, I am at home and faced with the every present truth that He is enough and He is good despite my circumstances! HE is WORTHY to be celebrated! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Today I’m blogging at….
Posted: November 9, 2011 Filed under: Motherhood, our family Leave a comment »Today I’m blogging at the wonderful Habits of a Happy Home
Two “Must Reads” dealing with money:
Posted: October 28, 2011 Filed under: Practical Stuff, Weekend Inspiration Leave a comment »I have been reading two fantastic books lately!
The first is 1/2 Price Living by Ellie Kay. 
This book is a must read if you have ever said, “I would stay-at-home with my kids but I just can’t afford it”. She pulls back the curtain on what is actually going on in the dual income family. She also gives practical tools and advice on how to live on one income… Well! It is a fun and encouraging book! Must read for moms!
The second book I have been reading is(I always read numerous books at the same time. Is that weird? I have book ADD!) 48 Days to the Work you Love</em> by Dan Miller. 
I have heard about this book for years from Dave Ramsey. It is all he makes it out to be and more! The book is more of a workbook than a book. He guides you through questions to ask yourself and other information to help you find yourself in the midst of finding the job you love! I wasn’t looking for a job per say… I actually don’t know why I started reading it. Once I started reading it, however, I could not get enough of it! His book got my creativity flowing and my business savvy kicking! It is a very empowering book! Could not be a better read during our nation’s “economic crisis”!
To trick or treat or not to trick or treat?
Posted: October 19, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »Ahhh… October…. is there a more beautiful month of the year? The weather, the colors, the crisp air, the smell of burning leaves (yes, I love it) and the nearness of the holidays make this month one of my favorites!
Closing out this wonderful month is Halloween! I have fond, fond memories of trick or treating as a kid. My mom always helped my sister and I come up with the most creative and unusual costume ideas. My neighborhood would come alive and kids would roam the streets searching for candy. In one neighborhood I lived in, everyone lit luminaries on October 31st. The whole neighborhood was a glow in these beautiful lights! I lived in another neighborhood that had so many kids that cars didn’t stand a chance maneuvering through the streets because there were so many kids and parents out on Halloween night! It was always a fun night!
When I was a child, I had no idea of the evil roots and beginnings of Halloween. After having my own children, we began to really think and pray about rather we would “do” Haloween or not. It seems “Halloween” has become like a curse word in Christian circles. You either “do” Halloween or you “don’t”. After much thought and prayer we have decided to participate parts of this holiday. With all do respect to others’ convictions I would like to share why our family does “do” Halloween. 
The reason is simple. We “do” Halloween because we don’t want to miss this opportunity to meet our neighbors! This is the one time of year when my neighbors get together and willingly come outside. We have lived in several neighborhoods and there has not been one that has proven an easy place to meet our neighbors. People drive up the drive way into the garage and shut the door behind them before they get out of the car. And that is just when they are home. With our busy culture, neighbors are not home long enough to see their own family, let alone meet a neighbor.
Halloween night is one of the few nights people willingly come out of their homes! They might even walk straight up to my door! If I were to turn off our porch light or not answer the door, I feel like we would be missing an awesome opportunity! 
“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth.” -Act 1:8
As believers in Jesus, we are commanded to “be witnesses”. Outside of the four walls of my house, the next people who I should prioritize hearing the gospel and being a witness to are my neighbors. How can we even think about witnessing to the “ends of the earth”, when we haven’t even meet most of the people in our “Jerusalem”? So, our family sees Halloween as a small yearly opportunity to maybe meet or build on a relationship with our neighbors that may potentially have eternal value!
Let me also say that there is a lot about Halloween we don’t do. I don’t do scary costumes, scary/horror movies, tombstones in the front yard are ghost on my door. I take very seriously the reality of Satan and how the seemingly innocent participation of certain activities can open doors to his work in my home. That stuff is real and will have no place in our home.
I also am very familiar with the origins of Halloween. I realize it was a holiday started by pagans to ward of evil spirits. But you know what if instead of hiding behind a closed door and ignoring a holiday Satan intended for evil; what if we open our doors and made it an opportunity that God can use for good! Think about it. What if for once as believers we played offense with this issue instead of defense. What if we did our part to take something intended for evil and made it good?!
Just a thought.
Here are some ideas:
-last year my husband had to work so we set up in the front yard with some lawn chairs. My kids were young and actually enjoyed passing out the candy more than “trick or treating”. We meet many neighbors that night. 
-this year our apartment complex is hosting a “trunk or treat” event! I think this is brilliant and could be done in any neighborhood!
- I have heard of some families hosting a neighborhood party on Halloween night involving pumpkin carving and games.
- Another great idea I’ve heard about is to post a coffee or hot chocolate booth in your front yard. What a great way to love on the moms and dads or little trick or treaters passing by!
- (One day I hope to do this one) Host a halloween day parade! Let the kids walk a little “parade route” dressed in their costumes! You go so crazy to make “floats” out of wagons or bikes! Regardless it would be fun!
- Simply turn your porch light on and pass our some really yummy candy to kids and parents! I think a little love and warmth can go along way!
Happy Halloween!
Blogging re-direction
Posted: October 18, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »I have not been blogging a lot lately. Writing is something I love. Blogging is something I have enjoyed for a couple of years now. I wanted to really “get serious” about it and was doing well for a while but then completely lost motivation….
I love saving money. I love decorating. I love teaching my kids. I am passionate about being a “stay-at-home mom”. I do have some ideas but none of this was enough to sacrifice my time and energy to maintain this blog.
So, I quit for a bit and tried to refocus.
Quite unexpectedly I think I figured out what I want to blog/write about.
Here is a little background:
In 2001, I journeyed with 10 or 11 other people from my church on a mission trip to Buenos Aries, Argentina. We served there for one short week. In that week, we served a local church by distributing promotional materials, held a camp for kids, visited an orphanage, put on a puppet show in a school and performed dramas in a couple of the town squares. There was nothing too different about this mission trip than any other foreign mission trip.
For me it meant waking up every single day to live for Jesus and tell others about Him. He was constantly my focus. He was constantly my goal. There were some inconveniences through out the week but there was a lot of fun too!!! Regardless of the activities for the day, my focus was Christ!
I remember the sadness I felt as I loaded the plane to take us back to the States. This week without a doubt had been the best week of my life. There was great joy and simplicity on the mission field. Even though I was dying for a Chick-fil-a sandwich and some sweet tea, I didn’t want to leave that place!
When I stepped off the plane, I thought occurred to me. “Why should life be different here in America? Was I not called to live for Christ here? How could I live mission-ally at home?” As I searched the Bible, I found no reason why that focus and determination for the gospel should be left to missionaries. Instead I was convicted by scriptures like this….
“And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.” -Matthew 10:38
“but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.” Acts 1:8
“Therefore I urge you bretheren, by the mercies of God,to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship to God.” – Romans 12:1
“For me to live is Christ and to die is gain”. Philippians 1:21
These are just a few. What I felt the Lord leading me to do was to live missionaly, even here in America. There really in no difference in the urgency or the calling or the gospel, only the geographical location.
So I am re-directing my blog a bit. I may change the URL…. not decided on that one but I will change my focus a bit. I feel like I have had all these topics floating around with nothing to anchor them. For the most part they all do anchor to missional living but I want to be more deliberate.
I am going to write very practically too. This will not be a blog of ideas and philosophies and link to great writers about missional, Christ centered living. I am going to write about how to throw a party to meet your neighbors or how to save money so that you may give more or how to simplify and organize you home in effort to be able to focus more on what is important.
I am NO expert but I have picked up some tips along the way! I hope to meet and link some other bloggers who have great ideas to link and share too!
If this is to be nothing more for me than a source of accountability for myself, then I’m okay with that. My desire and hope is that this blog will be a source of inspiration and practical help to live for Christ!
More blogging coming soon!
Today I am blogging at…
Posted: October 13, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »Today I am blogging about trick or treating and Halloween over at Habits of a Happy Home! Come check it out!
Maintaining your humanity as a stay at home mom through schedule
Posted: September 19, 2011 Filed under: Motherhood, our family, Practical Stuff, PrEsChOoLeRs! 1 Comment »I read a book a couple of years ago that seriously changed my life! I know you are not supposed to say that but it really changed the way I think and prioritize things in our family. The book I read is by Randy Fraze called, Making Room for Life. 
In this book he talks about trading chaos for simplicity, arranging your life in a way to make room for relationships. One thing he talks about in his book is the Jewish calendar. They worked from sun up to sun down 6 days a week. Fraze challenges his readers to end their day at a certain time and relax. You will have to read the book but here is what I took from it:
- Work from sun up to sun down: I am so very terrible at this and am convicted to implement this principle back into my life! For me, it is important to have a clear beginning to my day and a clear ending. If I don’t, I wake up when my kids do. I’ll clumsily throw together breakfast and probably loose my patience before the kids even get dressed. At night, if I don’t do this I find that I cook dinner, put the kids in the bath, put the kids in the bed, and then go back in to the kitchen to clean up dinner. I then notice the floors look really bad and mop. I remember a shirt that needs to be clean for tomorrow and start a load of laundry and then fold what is left in the dryer. I walk past the clock on my oven as I take the laundry to my bedroom and realize it is 9:45. It’s 10pm before I sit down on the sofa and by then there is only time for glance through facebook, check my email and head to bed for it start all over again.
On the contrast, waking up before the kids, I can enjoy some coffee and the Word. I can think clear enough to think through and plan our day, maybe throw in a load of laundry and start breakfast before the kids groggily walk out of their bedroom.
At night I set a time, say 6pm., and “clock out” at that time. I don’t do dishes, laundry or any cleaning after that time. I clock out at 6pm, things go differently. I have a few minutes to (theoretically… provided no melt downs) enjoy kids before tackling the bed time routine. We might take a walk as a family instead of me worrying over dishes and laundry. After we put the kids to bed, I have time to go work out, paint, read or even meet a friend for coffee.
Now this is ideal. You and I both know this doesn’t happen everyday but if I get 3 out of the 5 weekdays that is better than everyday of the week running into the next!
- Another, if not the most component, of our daily routine is NAPTIME! My kids nap! They nap not because the love sleep but because their momma requires them to nap! For me to make it through the day, I need a break! My son’s nap is getting shorter and shorter. He now has “rest time” in his room. He lays in his bed for 30 mins. If he is still awake after 30 minutes, then I allow him to read or play quietly for about an hour or I let him watch a movie. I do everything possible to try to grab at least an hour of alone time. This time may be spent paying bills or doing laundry but it is kid-free which I need for a little while!
The thing about schedule is that it is very individual. What works for somebody may not work for someone else! I do know one thing though, as a SAHM mom, our life works a lot better on a schedule!
Weekend Inspiration: “be your kid’s mom”
Posted: September 16, 2011 Filed under: Depression, Motherhood, Practical Stuff, PrEsChOoLeRs!, Weekend Inspiration Leave a comment »I grew up listening to Dr. Laura. I like her quick wit and “no nonsense” banter! Although I don’t agree with everything she stands for, I am encouraged by her stance on family. I remember hearing the words “be your kid’s mom” at the end of a call. I think even at a young age, she played a roll in encouraging me in my decision to stay at home when I had kids.
I came across this page of SAHM stories and “thank you’s” to Dr. Laura. It was nice to read over them and be encouraged again that my job is important! I was particularly encouraged by “A Letter from a former stupid parent”.
I hope you are encouraged too! Take a look!
How to maintain your humanity as a Stay at Home Mom: in the a.m.
Posted: September 15, 2011 Filed under: Motherhood, Practical Stuff, PrEsChOoLeRs!, Uncategorized Leave a comment »- When possible, wake up before your kids!- We went through a phase last summer when my kids woke up at 6am…. on a good day. So, this did not happen. But on the norm, I try my hardest to get up before my kids and have some quiet time. On a good day this involves my Bible and some coffee but some days it just involves a couple minutes to collect myself and think through the day ahead.
- Get Dressed!!!! Yes, one of the lovely things about being a SAHM is, theoretically, being able to stay in your pj’s all day. Why wear make-up? Who is there to impress? You 6 month old has no idea you have make-up on. This mentality really eats at your humanity, especially as a woman. Put some make up on! Grab some earrings and at least put a “nice t-shirt” on! This makes a huge difference in my day! I also feel my kids deserve my best when it comes to my job as their care taker. How would you feel if you hired a nanny and she showed up in her jammies, no make up and had not showered in a week? Just something to think about?
- Work Hard! This is one the Lord has recently been working in my heart. I started thinking, “if I were hiring someone for the job of running my home and raising my children, would I hire me? If I were an employee what would my performance review look like?” I don’t think I would fair well. It is so easy to get sloppy. I don’t take my job serious enough. I realize the balance in calling being at home “a job”. I think, however, if I looked at it that way more often, I might do a better job at it and I might derive more value from it. On days I wake up early, intentionally plan out our day and work hard doing my best at the job the Lord has given me, I feel better too. I don’t feel as much like a dishrag. When I take my role/job seriously, I feel valiant in my role as a mother and homemaker!
-Schedule off days or “vacation” days! I have friends who have Friday’s off. I get so jealous because they really enjoy their off day with their kids. They have a totally different mentality though. They are “off”!
As a stay at home mom, holidays are even hard to enjoy because they are just like all the other days. “Off days” just don’t exist. It all just kinda runs together.
Something I have started doing is scheduling off days. This can be a day when you take the kids somewhere special or maybe just lay around in your pj’s. (Sick days have no problem filling the calendar at our house! Too bad they can’t be scheduled!) I find by putting “vacation” time on the calendar, I can enjoy those days so much more!
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Colossians 3:23-24
Stay tuned… tomorrow Guilt and “clocking out”!
