Warrior’s wife..

So Steve, our pastor, has been teaching a sermon series on “Warriors”. Basically, he is challenging the men to stand up and be the men and warriors God called them to be. As a woman and the wife of a warrior (…it is even in his name …. his name his name literally means “warrior prince”… I remind him of this a lot : ), I have had some thoughts and comments conjured up inside me. So I thought since this is my blog and all I could divulge some of them. At first, I thought I would struggle with this series because I often struggle with this truth. I feel as if I have somewhat of a warrior heart too. I am not the “sit at home and knit while my husband is in battle” type girl. I want to be on the front line with him. I want to “hand him his ammunition” I guess you could say. I don’t want to hear what God did. I want to be right there in the middle of it and apart of it. So I often struggle with the line. Where am I helping him in battle and when do grab the gun and go fight for myself?

One of my spiritual gifts is leadership (it is one of Mark’s too and yes we butt heads : ). I am sometimes confused by this gift. If God set things up the way he did in the Bible then why do I thrive in leadership roles. Why do I love delegating and managing and working with people. How do I channel that in my marriage? How do I not take the control and leadership there? I am still working on this one. Still trying to figure this one out.

A good friend once explained to me that this battle in a woman’s heart…letting her husband lead…was apart of the curse after Adam and Eve sinned in Genesis. Genesis 3:16 says,” your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you” . She explained that this desire was not a desire for your husband but yet a desire for his position and place. This makes sense when you read the next part of that verse, “and he will rule over you”. This verse makes a lot of sense because when Adam and Eve sinned, Eve took the initiative and Adam, the warrior, put down his sword, did nothing and let her disobey God. They both sinned but in different ways.

I guess this struggle, for me, manifests itself the most when Mark is facing a weak time in his walk or when I feel that things are failing in a certain area of our marriage. Instead of giving him the chance to fix things or take charge, I grab his sword when he is down and take over… only to be defeated myself. I have learned this one valuable lesson in the past two years of our marriage and that is … to let him fail. I have found if I let him fail and he fails leading us down all the way, the responsibility is on him, he picks himself (or us) quicker and gets back in the fight! It is a hard though. Like I said, I am not the “sit back and watch” type person. I believe, however, that a better pattern is being established. He is still the leader of our relationship… in the good and the bad.

Recently we have decided that Mark should take charge of our finances, even though I am the “nerd” as Dave Ramsey calls it. But, I have also become the family’s “stresser outter”. Thus Mark decided he needed to take control. It is so hard though! For the last couple of years I have done all of this and of coarse I think I can do it better ; ). But you know if I am honest. I like this a lot. I like just being able to trust him and let him take responsibility. It is nice to have the weight of my shoulders. Even being the leader and fighter I feel that I am in so many ways, there is a beautiful rest that comes in trusting your husband. That really is what it is … a trust issue. Please know I struggle with this daily. But, I have found that there is rest and peace when our roles as husbands and wives fall into place the way God intended … regardless of the circumstances

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