A Baby? pt. 4Posted: March 26, 2008
“It’s been over a week. You need to take a pregnancy test!”, was the response I heard over the phone from my husband. “Fine!” I said. I knew I was safe because I had just gone to lunch with my dad and had drunk probably a gallon of water. I bought the test from the dollar store because I was not “wasting money on another test”!
So I go home. With mostly water in my system, I take a test thinking surely this one would end up like usual. I waited… and then called Mark. “There is something wrong with this test.” “Why? Did a line not show up?” “No” “Trisha, is there another line?” “Kind of” “How can there be ‘kind of ‘another line?” “I don’t know” “Take another test!” Ten minutes later… “This one has another line too” “I’m coming home.” “Well I think these Dollar Store Test are wrong. So if you come home, bring me the most expensive pregnancy test there is!”
Note: Dollar Store Test work. Don’t waste your money on the others.
So we were pregnant. We were not planning on getting pregnant exactly. Once again my plans were changed. The baby was scheduled to come between TOSS (which is like “pre-student teaching”) and student teaching. But I would prevail! I would finish my degree and then stay home with the baby (which had been the plan from the beginning of our marriage). I found myself doing something kind of scary though. I would try to detach from the baby. For the first trimester, I would not think about becoming a mom (in a positive way anyway)and I wouldn’t think about the excitement of having a child. I seriously would think, “Ok I just have to get through the first 6 months when I will leave the baby with my mom. Then at Christmas I can start being a mom.” I really did think that. It wasn’t good. I had wanted to be mom all my life and here I was resenting it already for the sake of my degree/career.
For the last year, I had been thinking about taking classes online. The thought kept coming up in my head. I really started thinking more seriously about it when we decided to go to Savannah with Canvas. I decided to quit at Kennesaw. The fact that my HOPE money had run up helped assist me in that decision : )
God hasn’t straightened out all the details on how I will finish my degree. I know right now I am doing what He has called me to do. I am at home, working some and preparing to be at home with Trey. It is a hard internal struggle though. I have basically laid down my career for this baby. Was it worth it? Some days I don’t know. Some days I ask God if He really is in control of timing and such when it comes to babies.
God knocked me over the head with some Truth the other night. I was reading Jonah. Jonah was called by God to go and do what God had called him to do. He first tried to run. That landed Him in a fish. He then did what God told Him to do but whined about the way it turned out. That is where I began to identify. I can be a whiner in my talks with God even if I am doing what He told me to do. God then talks to Jonah and basically says, “Do you have the right to be angry…?” (Jonah 4:9) . That got to me. Who am I to argue with God-if I really believe He is God?
So have come to the realization that motherhood is the career God has called me to right now. I can either whine about it or accept it and embrace the blessing that it is. I am choosing the later. Writing this little series has helped me to remember how God had been laying the foundation for this. He has prepared me and He has called me. I wrote this last four blogs as hopefully an encouragement to someone else! Embrace what I believe is the important job of being a mother and a wife! Enjoy it and don’t fight as hard as I did against it! God is good and His plans are good…whatever your story may be!