My dream job awaits me…Posted: July 6, 2008
So reality has hit me… ready or not this week Mark and I will become parents! We are getting induced early because of my blood pressure problems. I was kind of wanting the whole “Father of the Bride II” rush to the hospital surprise but on second thought (reality kicks in) and I realize this really is the way to go. We have a scheduled time to be at the hospital and my mind is whirling because that is in less than 24 hours (and yes its late and no I can’t sleep)!
An awesome reality hit me today… Mark and I were sitting in Trey’s nursery, cleaning it up a little and getting it just right for his arrival. We started looking through some of his toys and books. Somewhere between Mark reading me “George’s Bunny Adventure” and putting away his 100th onsie I realized I was about to start my dream job.
Since I was a little girl, really as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I remember playing house perpetually. I lived it. My dolls (my beloved Cabbage Patch dolls : ) went every where and did everything with me. My sister and I used to make our rooms our apartments and would have play dates for our “kids”and go to the grocery store on our bikes. I remember later in middle school writing an essay about the “Greatest day ever”. My day included “getting” to baby-sit a baby all day and going shopping and then I think having my best friend spend the night. In high school I nannied and worked after school programs at an elementary school. In college, I nannied some more, tutored kids and taught dance.
Although I did not see it at the time, God has been preparing me for my dream job the whole way. Now, Lord knows, I pursued every other venue out there. I tried “making something of myself” and having a “career” but every door and every option was shut in some way out of my control! I was really upset about that for a while…. depressed even. I felt that God was being mean and reducing me less than what I felt was my potential.
But something in me just clicked today… I don’t know… I really see that God knows me better than even I know me. See a couple of years ago a wise lady said to me… ” you know God doesn’t give us what we want…” and I thought “yea yea I know… He gives us what we need…” but she said, “No, He gives us what we really really want“. To this day I can not get that out of my head. And you know what she is right. For me, I thought I wanted a successful teaching career and then a renown ministry. He took both of those away from me. I pouted for awhile… (to be honest, I probably still was until today : ) but now am starting to realize God did not take something from me but yet has given me the purest and deepest desire of my heart… motherhood. This really is what I have always wanted I just kinda forgot.
The good news is that although I forgot and turned away from being the person God created me to be, God did not forget! He has made me a certain way for a purpose. He loves me and wants to give me what I truly desire not the surfacey momentary pleasures of my heart.
He is good and we can trust Him… especially heading into unknown territories such as parenting : )