Confessions of a Church Planter WifePosted: March 15, 2009
This isn’t pretty but here it is….
I am not sure when all of this started. Mark and I had felt restless (you know that feeling that God is about to tell you to do something) for about a year prior to finding out about Canvas. For the record… we found out we were pregnant mid Nov. ’07 on a Wed and by that Sunday we were confident about joining with Doug and the team. Talk about a week that changed our life! Wow!
So anyway here we are about a year or so later… and WoW! I had no idea what we were getting in to!!! I have never been through stress in my life! I mean stress in like the “pressure cooker” type stress not the worried and anxious type (although there has been that too). This is not a journey for the week hearted!!!
Let me give you a summary. Since Nov. of ’07 God has called me to sacrifice a lot for the sake of this calling to plant a church here. These sacrifices range from pulling the plug on a ministry I ran to school to money (oh the money) to even my cat (I loved my cat but she could not come with us) ! The hardest sacrifice has been the one we have gone through recently…. our family… Or I guess just the luxury of Mark, Trey and I living together in the same city. This test and sacrifice has cost greatly! I have never cried more, questioned God or been more hurt than I have the last three months! This is so so so hard but we have absolute peace that it is what God has called us to do for this short season. (I can’t convince you with the details so I won’t try : )
Anyway…. so here we are March ’09 with so much sacrificed in just these few months we have been on this journey. I feel as if God has wrung me out like a wet rag. I am broken.
I am tempted to say, “That is it God! We are going home! This city is not worth it!” …so tempted….
But I will not.
Do you know why?
Because I stand on this side of our journey and have peace. I have peace in surrender. I realize now all that stuff sacrificed over this year was stuff between me and God. That is why God had to get rid of it. It wasn’t bad…. most of it was pretty good. But I gripped it so tightly that it stood between me and God. So it is gone now. God used this journey to rid me of it.
So its good really. He really really is good. (I am learning this) Through the pain and sacrifice He is good. Why? Because He is good being near to Him is better than anything else…. really. Although I have felt pain, I have never ever felt Him so near. So, no, my husband is not near 5 days out of the week but my God is near…. always. And if He had to take me down this difficult but adventurous path to get here…. then it was worth it.
The nearness of God is worth it! And praise God Doug and Shelly and the Canvas team let us come along for the journey of Church Planting! Because I would not change the out come of my relationship with God for anything.
If God wants to transform this city… He has already started with me.