homesickPosted: May 11, 2009
I am almost too prideful to admit it but I am homesick. “We” have been living in Savannah for about 4 months and the vacation feel has worn off. Also, for us it was a little different because Mark still lived there for so long. So now we are all here. For good. And I am missing Atlanta. I miss my old house, my friends, a Wal mart on every corner, “our” Target and Kroger. I miss our family. I miss traffic and people knowing how to drive!!! (sorry Savannah) I miss our church and our old small group. I miss our old routine and Mark’s old job (and that job’s paycheck ; ) I even miss my stinkin’ cat!
I have had a deeper homesickness building throughout this whole church planting thing…. home sick for my true home in heaven. This August I will have been following Jesus for 10 years. I will say the first 81/2 I had no interest in going “home”. The thought of Jesus coming back made me feel unsettled and if I was really honest I did not want that at all. I would hear messages about longing for Christ return compared to longing of a bride and bridegroom for marriage and I didn’t get it.
Truth was…. I was quite comfortable here and had no interest in eternity.
Well, follow God long enough and He will turn your world upside down. The last year or so and specifically the last 8 months I have thought more about eternity than I ever have before. “Will this decision matter in eternity?” “Does having that really matter in the grand scheme of things?” “One day I will not regret letting that go.” “One day we will see a reward!”
Plain and simple it has just been hard! This is hard! I will spare you the whining but now at the end of the day I lie in bed and I think, “Jesus, I love my family. You have given me beyond what I deserve here on earth. But if you wanted to come back tonight…. I am ready…. I am tired and I want to be with You!” I agree with Paul in this verse in Phillipians “to live is Christ and to die is gain…. for I am hard pressed from both directions having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better….” (Phil 1:21-23).
I get that for the first time. On one had I have never loved life more. I love this season. I love my family. I love our church and this city but on the other hand it would be “very much better” just to be with Jesus. You know?
So I guess I am learning and gaining an eternal perspective for the first time. If we have had to go through some hard stuff to get me here then… okay… it was worth it. I am glad to now love Jesus more than this life.