Christmas Reality Check!

First let me say sorry for the blogging hiatus! I have been consumed with adoption. That’s about all I can gather in my mind to blog about and I didn’t know if it was time to “make it public”. More about that later…
Anyway, I have had a reality check today.
The weather has been so dreary lately… and so has my attitude. I tried to find a dignified excuse in my head but I couldn’t – I’m down and out because of money. I want more of it, “need” more of it and feel trapped when I don’t have my definition of “enough”.
The thing is, we do have plenty and “enough”, BUT its ChRiStMaS time! It’s time for malls and outlet stores! It’s time for bags and bargains! I love buying presents and shopping more than your average woman. Black Friday is one of my (if not my #1) favorite days of the year. My husband wanted me to get a hobby awhile back. He asked me “What do you like to do the most?”…. after some soul searching, I realized it was shopping. Good or bad, I don’t know, but I love it! But this year my budget and wallet are keeping me from the stores and quite frankly keeping me at home!
I was sulking over this pretty bad this morning, whining to the Lord, if you will. Since I have had children, I have never had a lavish budget to shop with. The last couple of years we have “barely” made it happen. We have, however, had some wonderful Christmases (is that how you make Christmas plural? There’s all my ECE time paying off…)! I made most of my kids gifts, we spent a lot of fun time together as a family and everything has been very simple. And I liked it. But this year was going to be “different”. This was the year! Of course Christmas is about Jesus, sure, but I mean this was my year to shop and buy presents! Woo Hoo!
But due to some unforseen circumstances, we are working with pretty much the same budget. So, like I said, I was whining to the Lord! I wanted tooo goooo shooopppingg… (can you hear the whining?)! I was asking God where that whole “supernatural” thing applied to our lives? Why does it feel like we have to sweat blood and tears for every penny? I thought HE owned it all? Money was no object to Him right?! (I’m letting you in on this conversation… sorry). Then the Lord answered me about the whole supernatural thing. The supernatural work of the Lord is the changing of the human heart! Sure, He does own it all and has all at His disposal but the work that only He can do is the changing of the heart! And He is working on mine! And sadly, money is a pretty good tool of choice for Him. [2 Corinthians 7:9-10]
Money isn’t just money. Money is control. Money is trust. Money is dependence.
I need to let go of the control that I want in our life, trust God is working and depend on Him for the grace, stregnth and wisdom.
And then I stumbled upon this wonderful and challenging word from another sister in Christ. And I am reminded that Christmas is not about the stuff! It is not about the shopping! It is not about Christmas morning presentation of presents! It is not even about tradtions, happy songs or family. All of those things will disappoint me. All of those things will leave me empty and never live up to the lofty expectation I have of them in my mind. Hmmm…maybe explaining why I have been so down this season, so far… misplaced trust.
Christmas is about Jesus! It is celebrating Him and who He is and what He has done when He came from heaven to Earth, took on humanity to show us God. He lived out the gospel and then died so that we could know and have a personal relationship with the God of this Universe!!! Seriously?! And I am pouting about not being able to go to the mall… pretty pathetic. If this celebration and season is about Him, there is fullness of joy and no disappointment!
So instead I am THANKFUL! (See here is that supernatural thing He reminded me of….) He changed me heart – in a matter of hours too. I am thankful that He hasn’t filled my bank account and my gas tank to go crazy at the mall! I would have probably missed it! I would have settled for a sorry substiution for the reason of what this season, as a believer, should be all about!
Instead, I am at home and faced with the every present truth that He is enough and He is good despite my circumstances! HE is WORTHY to be celebrated! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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