An apology from a Stay at Home Mom

Before Christmas my church started a study on Genesis. I love Genesis! During the week we studied the Tower of Babel (Genesis 11), at small group, a question was asked that has stuck in my brain.

In context with the Tower of Babel, you have a host of people saying, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the earth.” Genesis 11:4

“What are some ways Christians make a name for themselves?”

I think it is so easy to think we are beyond this. This account has always been so silly to me. Seriously, people? A tower? But when you look closely at verse 4 it brings is home a little. They wanted to make a “name for themselves”.

My small group probably could have come up with a hundred ways Christians make a name for themselves but the kids in the bonus room have an expiration so it keeps our time limited. Here where a few…

“organic Christian”

“Political, Republican Christian”

“Homeschooling Christian”

“Cool, Trendy Christian”

“Human Rights Christian”

“Stay at Home mom Christian”

Ouch! That one got me…. so much so that I was the one who brought it up. Its not that any of these things are bad by themselves. They go wrong when they become your identity. When they are the basis for which you have made your “name” as a Christian. Thus, its more about your name or platform that it is about Jesus.

This hit close to home because I am guilty. I was a primarily “SAHM” for six years. I would be lying my tail off if I said it didn’t become my identity. The whole preschool, toddler, baby-mom stage is hard to emerge from regardless… especially if you are at home with them 24/7. Not only did all of that become my identity, it was (for a while) my mode to making a “name” for myself. I built my “SAHM tower” brick by brick with perfect “moments” captured on Instagram with the intention of looking perfect or godly, by caring more about how people saw me as a mom than a Christ-follower, by reading more mommy books than spending time with God, by stressing over rather or not my kids day was themed and eventful enough to compare to the Pinterest goddesses out there and so on….

Over the past 18 months, God has wrecked me… again… in several ways but mainly with the call to go back to work. This brick did not fit in my tower. I have spent a lot of time searching scripture and seeking God to confirm the direction of my path. It turns out this “brick” of going back to work is a brick designed to smash my “SAHM tower”. He is not interested in me making a name for myself. Because I am me. I am a human. I am fallible, broken and easily disillusioned. Trusting in my own tower will only led to failure and disappointment.

Look at the mercy of God…

“Let us go down there and confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another’s speech” v.7

It doesn’t seem like mercy but it is. I think about my cat. She is so sweet but she lack a lot of sense. She has been inside our house her whole life. She is very domestic, has no clue how to make it in the wild. She has escaped two times. The only reason she is still with us today is because I went and rescued her.

So everyday when I open  my laundry room door I nudge her back in the house. Why? Because I hate her? No, the opposite it true… our family loves her. If she is left to her own devices she will be trapped, or hurt, or killed. I want her to live, so I want her within our boundaries.

Although this is pathetic example, I believe the Lord operates with the same – what can seem confusing – love for us. Every time I try to build a name… “church planter Christian”…. ” (fill in the blank) ministry Christian”…. “SAHM Christian”…. He smashes it down.

“Therefore, I will hedge up her way with thorns, And I will build a wall against her so that she cannot find her paths…. Then she will say, I will go back to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now!” Hosea 2:6-7

My primary role as a wife and mom is to love and serve my family. I am just loving and serving in a different way.

My primary role as a believe and follower of Christ is to follow…. to walk… to not get set on one idea or one principle truth from His Word so much so that I worship the ideology instead of my Living God.

A few chapters back we read about Enoch…

“Enoch walked with God…. Thus all of the days of Enoch were 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him.” Genesis 5:22-24

Now there is something. All that we know about Enoch is that he walked with God. We don’t know how but that he did. I’d like that… I’d like that a lot more than some stupid “mommy Christian” tower. A tower is a tower. But when you walk with God…. You WALK WITH GOD. Hello? Imagine all that Enoch saw, enjoyed, endured and experienced!

So… I’m sorry blog readers. I’m sorry I made this blog… which is an extension of me… apart of my stupid tower….

Writing about the Journey is about Jesus… Christianity is a journey not a tower.

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